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The following are paraphrased conversations that actually took place. This is not made up. If you find yourself part of conversations like this, it maybe time to look for other opportunities. As much as we developers like to discuss software anti-patterns and quality issues, there are so many other aspects of running a software business that have an even greater impact. Its true, in a software company, writing code is actually not the whole picture. There are many more pieces to the puzzle of quality. And in the end it requires an understanding and a complte buy-in at every level, from the CEO and Board, all the way down to the Jr. Developer and Intern. Thats why I love Mary Poppendiecks “Implementing Lean Software Development” , which illustrates how the total commitment to quality took Toyota to become the number 1 car maker in the world. The same can be applied to software dev organizations.

So in the grand tradition of Jeff Foxworthy, your company might have a serious problem if you hear the following:

Director of Product Development to Network Administrator:
Quick check to see if this is a DOS attack. We just took a major client away from XYZ , and if I were them, that’s what I would do.

Database Admin to Project Manager:
I’m still busy setting up SQL Server and Visual Studio along with the code base on server XXX.
I know its our domain controller but I’ve been ordered to do this because we are behind schedule and wont get machines for 2 more weeks.

CEO to Sales Manager:
Dude you better hope this woman doesn’t want to test against the version of the product that we are selling her. It doesn’t work and has no other customers on it. She says she has been through this with other vendors and is very careful. Well if she is that careful we are totally %&@#$.

National Dir of Sales to Project Manager:
So when you say “Tuesday” for this project … that could really be next week or two weeks from now – right?
Project Manager responds:
Correct. You know how this place is. Nobody knows from one day to the next what they’ll be working on.

Developer to DBA :
I can’t get into XYZ database on the dev server
DBA answers:
Go to the server closet and press F1 for the dev server keyboard. It always hangs on restart. Its been doing that for years.